The Warrior Is A Child

It's 1:23am, Monday morning, and I can't sleep so, I decided to make another post! I slept most of my Sunday, plus the constant pounding of the rain on our roof are the reasons why I'm still up right now. Anyways, I am hoping I will not be late for work in the next few hours and that I can have the energy I'll need for my crazy Monday schedule.

I want to share with you a song that has touched my heart especially during one of my lowest points in life. I LOVE the lyrics of this song and it describes exactly how I feel right now.

Warrior Is A Child

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor 

The Warrior is a Child 


Right now, this child is missing two people who have been my pillar of strength...who I always run to whenever I "fall"...

My mother...

It's been almost two years since I last went home for vacation. 

and Yeng...

It's been almost nine years since our last bonding...

When most of the time you are taking care of other people, you also miss the times when you are the one being taken care of. The child in me misses being taken care of by these two people...

In the next couple of hours, I have to put on the armor and be the warrior again. I am glad that during times when I am down, I can always turn to God for strength...and each day, He never fails. I get the courage and strength I need to face my daily life's battles because He knows that this (me) warrior is still a child.

Recovered Memories

Last January 3, someone came to my office and took my purse while we were having devotionals on the second floor of the school. In it were all of my gadgets, my wallet containing all my IDs and some accessories. It was a bad way to start the year, but I decided to keep my positive outlook, get up from that bad experience & move on. I am still in the process of replacing all my IDs. Just last Friday, I got all the gadgets I bought to replace the stolen ones.

I thought I lost all the pictures I had on my camera because I have this bad habit of not saving it to my computer & I don't own an external hard drive. However, for some reason, I was able to save some pictures on my computer! It's not everything in the camera, but I was able to salvage some. So, I want to share some of the pictures I was able to recover (just the ones I wasn't able to upload on Facebook).

There was a particular video I was hoping I was able to save but was, unfortunately, really lost forever. Another frustrating thing is that I won't get to go home and attend my brother's graduation this Spring Break because I still don't have a passport. It takes a while to get the replacement and I won't get it in time for Spring Break. Sad...however, I just have to forgive...the memories from those pictures and videos will still be in my heart and maybe, there's a good reason why I can't travel this March.

Total forgiveness...a lesson I need to learn. Also, now I need to be careful all the time...need to use those door locks. Another thing I learned from this experience: that I can survive without all those gadgets. It's nice to have them, but I can really be fine if I don't have them.

Until next post!

Where to next?

Last night, a group of us gathered for our nightly worship and we all shared how we all came to Saipan. As I was telling my story, it dawned on me how the Lord has always been very clear to me on what's the next thing He wants me to do. It even came to a point where He let me experience my "great disappointment", that probably was my most embarrassing moment...just to be very clear that I was going on a different path and steered me back to the direction He wanted me to go. I was making my own plans, which was different from what He was planning for me.

I have always dreamed of a corporate life. Success to me before was measured by going up the ranks, being a part of a large multi-national corporation and being materially blessed. I had great personal expectations and I felt that I can always achieve my dreams because, in a way, I was blessed with academic achievements under my belt. However, the Lord had better plans for me. First, He gave me a painful reminder that all my previous achievements and everything I know is all because of Him, not because of my own efforts. Then, He made me do exactly what I told myself I would never do -- go back to my hometown and work in the Adventist hospital where I was born. It wasn't because the hospital was bad. I just didn't want to be born there, work there and eventually die there. But, surprisingly, that experience made me realize how different the work environment is in our institutions compared to non-denominational institutions. There, I found my calling. I have developed a desire to serve Him, to the best of my capacity. Now, I can't imagine myself working again for non-denominational companies. In our institutions, you may not be materially blessed, but the spiritual blessings are overflowing.

These past months, I have been struggling on whether to continue to serve here in Saipan or find another place for me to serve. I have been praying for months now but I haven't heard or seen any clear direction from Him. I even gave myself a deadline when I should have a decision by, but I was feeling uneasy already because it's getting really close and I still don't have a clear direction what to do next. All I know is, I still want to serve Him, wherever He wants me to be. Last night was another reminder for me that I have to let go of my personal plans and let Him take full control. He is, and will always be there to guide me, especially in making difficult choices. Right now, He is telling me to wait...in His time, He will reveal His plans for me.

God has indeed great ways to give us answers to our prayers. I might not have a clear direction yet on what to do for next year, but I am now confident that He would reveal His plans very clearly to me again....as He has done in the past. I just have to be patient and let Him take full control.

"I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11